Medium Stephen Wakeling Answers Your Questions

Re: My partner shot himself
By:Stephen Wakeling
Date: 9 February 2013
In Response To: My partner shot himself (Ilze)

Hello Ilze

I have taken time and thought in answering your poignant question.

The exact reason or reasons I do not know; it would be impossible for me to receive information to clarify why someone would take this tragic step and I believe anyone taking such assumptions would be wrong. The workings of the mind have many intricacies, each differing because of the balance of the individual's psyche and stability at a particular point in time. Sadly, the tragic loss of anyone, particularly a loved-one, close friend, or family member, through suicide is heart wrenching and devastating.

For any person, to be at such an unhappy period within their life, is a terribly sad situation. We all have times in our physical lives when we are almost in periods of darkness, as if the world is against us. Fortunately, most people are able to climb out of these situations and to move forward. There is a school of thought that believes suicide is a fundamental component of life. My personal belief is that such a tragic situation is a reflection upon the whole of humanity. When someone is at their lowest abyss and the only option is the one you describe, we should all shoulder responsibility. In no way am I a medically trained person. For that reason I know little about the physical complexities measured within the complex balance of the psyche, of the mechanism of the mind. Unequivocally I believe that humanity needs to have the compassion to support all people, if only through thought and good deeds. Regarding your partner, you should try not to blame yourself; it is not your fault. Like many people who slip from the edge of this physical life, there are those who make many attempts. The whole of society should take accountability for the welfare and well being of the human family, whether in times of happiness or sorrow.

There are people who have a strange idea that we have to pay in the next world for suicide. I believe this view is totally senseless, derogative and lacking in spiritual comprehension, understanding and knowledge. All things are for a purpose; that is why the natural law of ‘Cause and Effect’ comes into effect. This basically means if we do one thing, then there will be a reaction to it * I have placed a footnote below about it. This may also help you to come to terms and support you in the realization that you are in no way to blame for this very sad situation. People who take their lives and leave this earthly world are immediately greeted by a thousand out-stretched hands. The gentle hands of our companions from the ‘World of Eternal Light and Peace’ support the saddened heart. Help is always at hand. Not to discipline, correct, or chastise. Just to comfort, heal and guide along the many corridors of light and wonder. There is no pointing of fingers, just a period of help, spiritual balance and acceptance through the healing hands of divine guardians. No one person is flawless or perfect; we are all flawed, in one way, or another. Those who await us, out in the realms of the ‘World of Light’, comfort and allow all of us to gain our equilibrium through balance and peace. Perhaps you may also give thought to the fact that we are all within the ‘circle of life’, all at different points upon the wheel of life.

My thoughts, prayers and blessings go out to you. Move forward dear friend and grasp the joy of this earthly world, gain inner strength, peace and you will win through and reach happiness.

Showers of Light and Peace



A fundamental rule of life is one that embraces the movement of all things. The rule is known as Cause and Effect, the consequence of one energy set against another, for example, light and dark, male and female, or the differing seasons of spring and autumn. Since the dawn of time we have received teachings which conclude that opposites are but extensions of themselves. The result is likened to the opposite hands of a clock. Consequently, we can apply this to ourselves when seeking physical or spiritual balance.

Why People Commit Suicide from a medical perspective?

Though I’ve never lost a personal friend, or family member to suicide, I am very aware of the trauma that befits a close loved one, or friend. Over the years I have felt the shadow of suicide and known many people who have been left bereaved, who have physically killed themselves. With about one million suicides a year worldwide, you can only presume the devastation people have and still experience. Pain mixed with guilt, anger, and regret makes for a bitter drink, the taste of which can take many months, or even years to take away. Without exception, the singular question asked is simply - why?

Why did their husband, wife, friend, parent or child take their own life? In many cases, even when a note explaining the reasons is found, enduring questions usually remain. One can imagine the person was in pain, suffered a sufficient amount of anguish, despair or depression to want to die. Yet, why did they feel like that? A person’s suicide often takes the people it leaves behind totally by surprise, and this can often only put emphasis on the survivor’s guilt for failing to see the tragedy unfolding.

People who have survived suicide attempts have given an account wanting not so much as to die, more as to stop living, a strange dichotomy, nevertheless a valid one. If something in the middle of state of mind existed, which offered some other alternative to death, one may suspect numerous suicidal people would take it. For the sake of all those reading who might have been left behind by someone’s suicide, I have researched into general reasons why people feel that suicide is the only option left. They are not as intuitive as most think. Generally there are six reasons for people to attempt suicide, they are:

1) Depressed

Depression is without doubt the most widespread reason why most people commit suicide. Severe depression is always accompanied by a all-embracing sense of suffering, as well as the belief that escape from it is hopeless. The pain of existence often becomes too much for severely depressed people to bear. The state of depression distorts their thinking, allowing ideas like, “they would all be better off without me” which to those not affected by depression sound irrational. They should not be blamed for falling prey to such unclear thoughts any more than a heart patient should be blamed for experiencing chest pain; it is simply the nature of their disease.

For the reason that depression, as we all know it, is almost always treatable, we should all try where possible to seek to recognize its presence in our close friends and loved ones. Often people suffer with it silently, planning suicide without anyone ever knowing. Despite making all-parties difficult, inquiring directly about suicidal thoughts in almost all cases always generates an honest response. If you think someone might be depressed, do not allow your tendency to deny the possibility of suicidal intent prevent you from asking about it.

2) Affected by Psychosis

Malevolent inner voices often command self-destruction for unintelligible reasons. Psychosis is much harder to hide than depression and arguably even more tragic. The worldwide incidence of schizophrenia is 1% and often strikes otherwise healthy, high-performing individuals, whose lives, though manageable with medication, never fulfill their original promise.

Schizophrenics are just as likely to talk freely about the voices commanding them to kill themselves as not, and also, in the hands of qualified medical practitioners, people give honest answers about thoughts of suicide when asked directly. Psychosis too is treatable, usually for a schizophrenic to be able to function at all. Untreated or poorly treated psychosis almost always requires hospital admission to a locked ward until the voices lose their commanding power.

3) Personal Impulse

This is often related to drugs and or alcohol; some people become over-sentimental and impulsively attempt to end their own lives. Once sober and calm, these people usually feel emphatically ashamed. The regret and remorse is by and large genuine, and whether or not they will ever attempt suicide again is unpredictable. They may try it again the very next time they become drunk or high, or never again in their lifetime. Hospital admission is therefore not usually indicated. Substance abuse and the underlying reasons for it are generally a greater concern in these people and should be addressed as aggressively as possible.

4. Crying out for help, and don’t know how else to get it

These people don’t usually want to die, though they do want to alert those around them that something is seriously wrong. They often do not believe they will die. Often choosing methods they don’t think can kill them, in order to strike out at someone who has hurt them, although they are sometimes tragically misinformed. The classical example of this is when a young teenage girl suffering genuine anguish because of a relationship, either with a friend, boyfriend, or parent, who takes a painkiller, not realizing that in high enough dosage it can cause irreversible damage.

5. A philosophical desire to die

The decision to commit suicide for some is based on a reasoned decision often motivated by the presence of a painful terminal illness, from which little to no hope of reprieve exists. These people are not depressed, psychotic, over-sentimental, or crying out for help. They are trying to take control of their destiny and alleviate their own suffering, which usually can only be done in physical death. They often look at their choice to commit suicide as a way to shorten a dying that will happen regardless. In some medical practitioner’s opinion, if such people are evaluated by a qualified professional who can reliably exclude the other possibilities for why suicide is desired, these people should be allowed to die at their own hands.

6. A mistake

There are more common accounts of this recent, tragic phenomenon in which typically people experiment with oxygen deprivation for the high it brings and simply go too far. The only defense against this, it seems, is education. The injury scars that suicide leaves in the lives of the loved ones left behind, are generally very deep and long lasting. The seeming senselessness of suicide often increase the considerable pain survivors feel.

Hopefully this information will help anyone reading, who has been left behind by a suicide, now be able to move on. This might also take away guilt and anger, and assist in finding closure.

For ‘Support’ contact the Samaritans or Befrienders!

* If ever there is doubt and no one to turn to, these websites and contact details may be of great comfort, support and help!


UK dial 08457 90 9090

Republic of Ireland dial 1850 60 9090


There is a ‘HELP’ Box on the front page, lists countries

Messages In This Thread

My partner shot himself -- Ilze -- 6 February 2013
Re: My partner shot himself -- Stephen Wakeling -- 9 February 2013