Medium Stephen Wakeling Answers Your Questions

Re: Help my husband deal with his loss
By:Stephen Wakeling
Date: 2 December 2011
In Response To: Help my husband deal with his loss (Julie)

Dear Julie

I am extremely sorry to hear of your sad news and the obvious difficulties you are having at this point in time.

My thoughts are for you and your husband. It is not easy for any person who is held within the grasp of sorrow, anguish and loss. Belief in the continued existence of the soul beyond physical death for many can be difficult to come to terms with. Nowadays, we have growth of individuals, who pronounce to the world they are the panacea and holders of all knowledge. Nothing could be further from the truth. Common-sense often goes out of the window, as a result, making it challenging for the acceptance of eternal life, for many people. The lack of understanding of spiritual matters, suppositions, egocentricities and confusion, doesn’t help the situation and compounds the situation you husband finds himself in at the moment.

Your husband is going through the process of grief. One may presuppose it will take time to overcome his sadness. Time is a moving continuum along which grief extends, taking weeks, years or a physical life time to come to terms with. Again, the peculiarities that afflicts people who believe they have spiritual knowledge, holds back the light of knowledge, understanding and learning. Taking this into account may I suggest you try to step back, and allow your husband to find his own truth? Yes, it may take time, needing reassurance, kindness and love. I might advocate a few well chosen words, will help to move forward his physical life. Slowly, slowly try to act as a counsellor, taking time, and being patient. Try to place clear simply spiritual truths before your husband, little by little bringing the light into his mind. Reflect on the happy memories of his father; grieving takes time, your best tool is to listen, support and use structured questions (I have added a footnote about structured questions). This technique, used by counsellors, allows for constructive dialogue, allowing your husband to open his heart and find peace. I have found in the past, that talking about happy times helps the healing process to move forward faster, than holding within the pain of bereavement.

You mention a sudden loss. After thirty years in this work I am still not sure whether a sudden physical passing is worse that a slow painful one. My conscious thoughts say I will never know the answer............. What I have learnt is that our loved ones are now living in the eternal ‘World of Light’, a homeland of peace and tranquilly. The spiritual awareness you intimate within your words holds well. The strength of your personal appreciation of spiritual matters is essential, providing strength and allowing for our companion in ‘light’ to interact with inspiration and guidance.

I now look back, realising that when my father passed into the ‘World of Light’ I was on a rollercoaster of emotions, which lasted for many years. I was lucky, or fatally blessed to see my father after he had passed. Not everyone is that fortunate...................................... Nonetheless, I believe you have inner-depth of spiritual comprehension, with the vital insight to direct your husband towards his own understanding, peace and acceptance of spiritual truth. Life is a continuous process from one-energy in this world of earth, out into the celestial light of eternal.

With thoughts of hope, light and peace

With blessing – Stephen


From the words of the famous journalist and author Rudyard Kipling who knew the true value of structured questions. Accordingly he composed a rhyme the following is just a part of it:

“I keep six honest serving men,

(They taught me all I know),

Their names are What and Why and When,

And How and Where and Who”

"The one that would not rhyme was: “To what Extent ........?”

I am sure this technique of what, why, when, how, where and who, will work, which allows for a person to openly express their thoughts. Try not to place your thoughts and interpretations, play a secondary supporting role – the role of a spiritual counsellor. Ask simple questions using the: who, what, why, where and how technique! It works for many people past and present – it most certainly did for Rudyard Kipling......................................

Messages In This Thread

Help my husband deal with his loss -- Julie -- 28 November 2011
Re: Help my husband deal with his loss -- Stephen Wakeling -- 2 December 2011